I'm not big on New Year's resolutions--I always feel like I'm setting myself up to fail. And before you think it...yes, I know that our greatest lessons are often learned from falling flat on our faces and that simply moving in the direction of a goal (even if we don't reach it) means that we're farther along than when we started. I don't dispute those things and it's not that I don't want to grow and change...I do!
Part of my aversion to resolutions and personal goals is that I have to admit to myself and to everyone else that I'm not perfect. Though this is blaringly obvious to anyone who knows me for more than 2 seconds, and was obvious to me before the count even started, I hate the fact that I make mistakes, that I don't get everything right the first time and that the whole growth and change thing involves pain. Another reason I avoid resolutions is because making them is kind of what everyone else is doing at this time of year and though I'm a rule-follower of the greatest magnitude, I am also contrary to the core.
So, rather than set goals, I make a playlist, choose Scriptures and find maybe a quote or two that focus on an area I want to grow in. (Sounds suspiciously like personal goals and resolutions, but I won't tell me if you won't.)
The idea of open hands has popped up again and again over the last year and a half in conversations, in books and in songs. I am very much like the young man described in the gospels who told Jesus, hey, I've kept all these commandments since I was young (I've always thought he was a bit self-deceived, by the way.)...what else do I need to do to follow you? When Jesus answered, telling him to go sell all he owned and give to the poor, his "face clouded over. This was the last thing he expected to hear, and he walked off with a heavy heart. He was holding on tight to a lot of things, and not about to let go."
When I think of open hands, words like trust, surrender, sacrifice and offering come to mind. The phrase "content to let God..." could be a caption beneath an image of open hands. I think how hard it is sometimes to hold whatever is dear to me, whether people or things, causes or talents--even fears and faults--in those open hands.
Being open-handed does not mean having a spirit of disregard or lack of care. In fact, it is quite the opposite. It is handling everything and everyone like a treasure entrusted to my care, a treasure that is mine on loan for an undetermined amount of time, a treasure that I am responsible for keeping in mint condition until the owner is ready to have it back. Throughout 2014, I will be asking myself what having open hands means in every relationship and area of my life. How does it change my marriage, my parenting, my friendships? What does it mean for my hopes and passions? What are the ties that bind my heart? What do I treasure most? What if I have everything I want, or nothing?
Looking from a different angle, I see the open hands not as my own, but as God's. All he offers, all he gives, the way he holds us and never lets go, the fact that we can never be stolen from his grip, yet he never forces us to stay. This is what I want to learn, or maybe already know to some extent, but lack the fortitude to live consistently...and that is to love like God loves--with open hands.
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I have a good start to my 2014 song list, but want to add a few more to the mix. I would love your suggestions and am open to any genre! Some of my favorite songs each year have been recommended by others. Any books or quotes or Scriptures you could point me toward related to the concept of open hands would be much appreciated as well.
Current 2014 Mix:
My One Comfort--Dustin Kensrue
Open Hands--Matt Papa
Let Go--The Neighbourhood
Hello My Old Heart--The Oh Hellos
Closer--Sanctus Real
Never Let Go--Seventh Day Slumber
Cast My Cares--Tim Timmons
In Your Hands--Unspoken
Where My Heart Goes--Colton Dixon
You Save Me--Kutless
Release the Panic--Red
I Surrender All--Clay Crosse
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