In Loving Memory: Hanh Nguyen, 5/15/54-8/8/13

For the past month, I have wanted to honor my father-in-law's memory through this blog. I have thought and thought about what to say and how to say it just so.  Each time I begin to write, though, feelings well up and tears overflow and I have to stop and blow my nose.  I read and re-read what I write, deciding that my words are inadequate and that I'll return to it "later."

I have decided that the perfect "later" will never come because I will never be able to capture the sum total of my father-in-law's life, let alone the essence of the man himself, in a few short sentences. His absence leaves a void in the lives of so many.

It is often said that though someone is physically gone, he lives on in our hearts. I have said this myself! But what hollow comfort, when someone lives on only in our memory.

Yet, somehow, to have a loss acknowledged by others is comforting--it validates the fact that the world simply is not the same anymore. And to be able to share memories of a loved one--that brings him alive again, if only for a moment at a time. Once again, we hear that familiar laugh or see that quirky mannerism or (what a gift!) discover something completely new. We see, through the eyes of friends and family, glimpses into his heart and character that we didn't see before. I find this bittersweet. 

My dad-by-marriage was a grandfather whose face lit up every time he introduced his grandkids to a customer. He was a father who bestowed grand gifts on his son and daughter-in-law, always envisioning something better for them. He was a husband who shared hopes and dreams with his wife and worked like crazy to see them fulfilled.

He was a man who exemplified my belief that family is not defined by genetics, but by a decision to love. He also--and I can't help but write this with a smile--was a man who rocked his music louder than anyone I know. (I like to think that being hard of hearing only played a small part in that.) Because of this, it seemed fitting to honor his life and memory in Life Set to Music.

I hope you enjoy Kiep Nao Co Yeu Nhau, one of my father-in-law's favorite songs. I've heard the title translated as "To Love Each Other in Another Life" (by Amazon) or as "Forever Love" (by my husband). If you are so inclined, please enjoy it as he would have, with the volume turned so high the floor vibrates and the neighbors drop by to find out what's going on.

Chung con yeu bo.

(We love you, Dad)

and

we miss you.